Monday, April 26, 2010


Normally I would leave the Alice in Wonderland quotations to Tammy, but this little scene from the book has been on my mind a lot these days...


"Who are you?" said the Caterpillar.

This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice replied, rather shyly, "I - I hardly know, sir, just at present - at least I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then."

"What do you mean by that?" said the Caterpillar sternly. "Explain yourself!"

"I can't explain myself, I'm afraid , sir," said Alice, "because I'm not myself, you see."

"I don't see," said the Caterpillar.

"I'm afraid I can't put it more clearly," Alice replied very politely, "For I can't understand it myself to begin with; and being so many different sizes in one day is very confusing."

"It isn't," said the Caterpillar.

"Well perhaps you haven't found it so yet," said Alice; "but when you have to turn into a chrysalis - you will someday, you know - and then after that into a butterfly, I should think you should find it a little queer, wont you?"

"Not a bit," said the Caterpillar

Well, perhaps you feeling may be different," said Alice; all I know is, it would feel queer to me."

"YOU!" said the Caterpillar contemptuously. "Who are you?"

One of my mother's friends from way back when gave her a copy of Alice and Wonderland for a wedding gift. She wrote in the inside flap the following:

"I've touted this as a "frank and daring expose" of the confusions and experiences of married and family life." In truth, you will only see it as such on the bad days... but when those bad days come, you may think that you fell "down the Rabbit-Hole" and landed in "The Pool of Tears."

I really think that Lewis Carroll drew some interesting parallels to womanhood in general. Lately I feel Alice's sense of confusion over my ever evolving and changing body. I told a friend the other day that this has been one of the most challenging parts of having a child. I feel like my body keeps changing so much that I am constantly trying to figure out who I am.

I honestly catch my reflection in street shop windows and think, "Who the heck is that?!" Because I still think of myself as my pre-pregnancy self. Maybe some of you think of your body as simply a shell that houses your "True Self" or spirit. To me the body is much more than that, it makes up half of who you are... Body + Spirit = Soul. It just seems that the resurrection wouldn't be necessary unless our bodies were extremely important. Hence when my body changes I feel all out of sorts.

Your body should be an outward reflection of who you are on the inside, which I should add we can also change and improve. Life is a time for change and growth...

I have decided that post pregnancy I am not going to focus on "Weight Loss" but rather these next few months will be the Redefining of me. In fact I have no idea how much I weigh at this point and I kind of like it that way it helps me to focus more on how I feel... and when I feel like crap Chuck reminds me that a little fresh air is the perfect cure... walks are a great defense against postpartum depression.

I am out to discover my new "mom body" and seek to get it into shape before I decide to have another baby and go through this adventure all over again (Which I most definitely will... babies are great).

And now because I know that some of you don't read my posts but only look at the pictures and because I can't help it... here are two pictures of Fiona sleeping.


Tammy said...

Love this post.
Someone told me "It takes 9 months to put it on it should take 9 months to take it off". That really took off a lot of pressure. And it was true. Even though I was active and eating well it was the 9 month mark when my weight was back to normal and I felt like myself again. I was really surprised how I bounced back but how it did take some time.
Don't worry. You will feel like yourself again. It is crazy the changes your body goes through emotionally and physically but it knows what its doing so just relax and give it time.

Sara said...

Fiona is so adorable! Seeing your pictures makes me even more excited! :)

Toni Jones said...

I really enjoyed this post. I can definitely relate to how you are feeling! Like Tammy said, it took us 9 months to put it on so it should take at least 9 months to take it off. I get so discouraged sometimes when i try to fit into my "pre-pregnancy" clothes, and they still don't fit, but i just have to be patient! Any weight gain was well worth the precious little babies we brought into this world.

P.S. Love the pic of fiona's chunky little thighs. SO CUTE!

Amy said...

I love your perspective. I know the feeling of not really "recognizing" yourself in the mirror. But just when you're starting to get the hang of being a mom, you'll look in the mirror and realize you love that new person even more than that old person. Giona is so adorable!!!

Amy said...

Oops...Fiona. Sorry. :)