Everyday I sit down on this computer during Fiona's nap and tell myself I am going to post... but after hunting through the Amazon and stopping in the kitchen for a much needed food break I find I have no time.
I signed up for Amazon Mom and specifically the subscribe and save diaper delivery. Who would have thought that a gigantic box of diapers showing up on your door step could make a person so happy. It is the best deal and I LOVE not having to run to Walmart so much!!!!
I have also been finding some really cute kids books too to add to our collection. My new favorites are these two... Can you tell what things we are working on in our house?
For the past month or so I have been attending a once a week support group. There are about 12 women or so, all mothers. Every Tuesday we have a 2 hour long meeting and discussion. I love it. I have been craving interactions with other women, and to have MEANINGFUL conversations. We talk a lot about dealing with issues in our homes and with our kids... but really we talk about how to change ourselves to better our families. The last few weeks we have talked about codependency and how our children can be mirrors of our own behavior or attitudes towards life. The class is run by my brother in law who specializes in personal healing and his mother who works a lot with children and families. She focuses a lot on building safe and healthy relationships. We also learn about different types of meditations we can do and how to express ourselves through free writing and coloring.
It's interesting but my brother in law says that of anyone on the planet, mothers need meditation and time to reflect inwardly the most, yet they are the group that gets it the least. I even found myself feeling guilty leaving for two hours each Tuesday to go to this class. But I have realized that the more I take care of myself the better I can take care of my family.
I think it is common for women (especially Christian women) who are raised to sacrifice and give all we can to God and our families, to feel a certain amount of guilt when we take time for ourselves. We feel that it is noble to "Forget about yourself." But I have been reflecting on how Jesus Christ himself took time away from the crowds and disciples to be alone, to meditate and re-group. He was often interrupted by those who followed Him, as is often true with mothers, but he showed the example. I have had the following scripture running through my brain as of late:
"He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it."
I have been asking for people about their opinions about what Jesus meant when he said it. Most people talk about it in the context of serving others. Like, we forget about ourselves and serve others and then we will have a rich and meaningful life. But if we are "selfish" and do things for ourselves we are doomed.
Someone offered me the following interpretation, that Losing our life is about shedding the false perceptions and expectations that are put on us by the world and people around us, and that we figure out who it is that God knows we can become. They proposed that this scripture is about reaching our true potential by following God, and not thinking that we have it all figured out or know who exactly it is we are. This person explained that Selfishness is really self-neglect because how can we serve in love and lift others if we are in the pit of despair. We need to be working on our own sins, problems and weaknesses that we may become Whole and better able to serve.
I can think of something that I have often heard from others like, if you are having a bad day just forget about your problems and help someone else. I understand the good intentions behind this statement, but honestly if you feel like crap I don't think the answer is to bake cookies for your neighbor. Maybe you should figure out why you feel like crap and address the issue rather than ignoring it. Once it is addressed and dealt with and you are feeling better perhaps reaching out to someone else will feel much more natural and not so forced.
That is what I think meditation is for, it is opening yourself up to be still and figure out who you really are, and shutting out all of the voices that are constantly running through our heads! Meditation for me can help me to be quiet with myself and reflect on things that I could work on or improve. If I take the time to do that I find that I can love people more freely... because I take time to love myself.
This image just popped into my head when I typed that...
As a side note, I really do appreciate comments that I receive for good or for bad. That I why I have my blog open to commentary. Just know that my intentions are NOT to start arguments or drama of any kind. And I do think that there is GREAT value in being accountable for the things that you post and say, so please do not feel intimidated to use your identity.