I rush out of my house at hyper speed in the morning frantically going over my check list as I shut the front door… Key's? Wallet? Books? Lunch? Gloves? Scarf? Hat? Phone? Bus Pass? Watch? Gum? Pen? Etc…. However on more than one occasion I have gotten to work to realize that on my checklist somewhere should have been the question: "When you got out of the shower this morning, DID YOU PUT DEODORANT ON?"
There is something so frightening to me about sitting down at my desk at work to the realization that my armpits are completely unprotected!!!!!
My job does not require any sort of strenuous physical exertions. I sit in a chair and type… sometimes I walk to other people's cubicles, occasionally I have to speed walk away from "Finkle" aka the creepy guy in my office (who just informed me that he is staying here until March 3rd), and at lunch I walk up two flights of stairs. For some reason when I know I don't have deodorant on though I panic sweat… I make myself so nervous that I WILL sweat… that I sweat. A few times I have frantically made the journey through the skyway to Target for an emergency stick of deodorant… you would think I would have to brains to just leave it in my desk… instead I now have four sticks of deodorant on my dresser at home. A lot of good that does me now.
I have high hopes that the deodorant residue on the shirt I am wearing right now will hold me through. This is the point when my mom would inform me that no one will be close enough to me today to smell armpits. However if you have read my previous Post about my armpit smelling quirk you would understand that this is more for my own well being than anything else… my nose is only a short distance from my underarms, and I don't want to be breathing any hint of perspiration, it is really a confidence deflator. I think the old Sure commercials with people afraid to raise their arms is the most true to life and accurate portrayal of how I feel when I forget to put on deodorant.
I honestly don't know if I even really need to wear deodorant or if it is just a security blanket against social ostracism? Perhaps I have Osmophobia which is the fear of odor (also known as osphresiophobia, and bromhidrosiphobia). After I write Posts like this I always want some kind of affirmation that I am not a lunatic and other people have similar anxiety when forgetting something so critical as antiperspirant. Does anyone else have "no deodorant phobia"?
For the record I know that some of you are laughing right now because you are fully aware of my obsession with "Pitties" or the sweat marks that form under people's arms… for your viewing enjoyment I have included this picture of me in the bathroom of the MTC… I had only been there a few moments and I was already sweating up a storm. In this photo I am frantically trying to blow them dry. What you can't see in this picture is Sara Burboch who was holding the camera and laughing hysterically at me.
5 comments:
Oh Tacy, you are so Not alone on this! When I realize I forgot deodorant, I feel like my whole day is ruined. It also has to be put on at a certain point in the morning, or I feel uncomfortable all day. I know I don't usually sweat, but the thought of not having it *just in case* is enough to make me sweat. I love your posts!! Are you coming to BYU??
Tacy! You DO crack me up! I LOVE it! And this deodorant post came on the perfect night because I dropped my deodorant tonight and it all fell out into pieces of white stuff on my floor. I'm worrying about tomorrow already....I tried to save as much as i could and push it back on to the stick but it doesn't look so swell. Don't worry about your coworkers smelling you...you're just one person. Try sitting in a classroom with 30 kids who don't even wear deodorant yet...but should! yikes!! :)
If you don't wear deodorant, Creepy McCreeperson might stroll over to your desk one day, catch a whiff of your natural womanly pit smell and the pheromones will drive him nuts. So think of your deodorant as anti-creepo spray. It might help you remember it in the morning.
ps. I thought your morning checklist had gun instead of gum. Me = disappointed.
p.s. I LOVE your playlist!
If it makes you feel any better, I always forget my deoderant and then I remember 5 mins into my excercise bike and I have to jump off and run around and pitsick myself...very annoying.
And if you want I can send some flowers to your place of employment and you can tell Doofy, or whatever his name is, that you have a massivly handsom BF. I would totally put a picuture of some British hottie in the card too...
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