It is posing an interesting challenge to the baby blanket that I am crocheting... and yesterday well it just made me want to cry and sit in the bathtub for an hour or so. But I just needed to grieve the total loss of feeling in my hands for a moment, I am coping much better today.
Whenever I start getting down about the aches and pains of pregnancy, I will no doubt receive a good Poke from within to remind me that this is all for a good cause and doesn't last forever. It's great I have a little miniature support system built inside me. Plus I have Chuck who is very kind and listens when I complain.
I drew a picture to help me visualize myself completely relaxing. It was me as a marionette tied to strings in front of a curtain and above me is he large hand making me move. In pregnancy I have felt that my body is not my own, it has been turned over to creation, to my baby and to God. Before pregnancy I only really understood the concept of conception , yet almost everything else that has taken place within me has been no work of my own and in my mind a complete miracle. My goal in labor is to work hard to get the baby out, but also in a strange way to completely let go, not trying to control everything and understanding that somewhere within my body lies the power and ability to have a baby... I just have to be relaxed and let my body and baby take the lead.
This week I made an important baby decision that took a bit of study and prayer. The first was that I decided to have my mom in the delivery room with Chuck and I. That might not seem like a big decision, but for me it was. For some reason I struggled with thinking that Chuck and I would not just do it on our own... but I read this quote that made me think twice about it all.
"Asking your husband to be your sole guide through labor is like asking him to lead the way on a climb of Mt. Everest. He may be smart and trustworthy, you may love him, but in the Himalayas you'd both be a lot better off with a Sherpa!"
-Pam England, Birthing From Within
At first I thought that I should hire a doula, but with only about two months to go I wondered if I would be able to make a good connection with a complete stranger... my mom and I however already share a deep connection and bond.
I have no idea how I will respond to labor and wondered if having multiple onlookers would cause me unneeded anxiety or stress. Yet I just kept thinking about the years my mother spent giving me back rubs and making colds, flu's, aches and pains all better. Plus my mom is a survivor for multiple reasons which I wont go into right now... but I think having her powerful female influence in the room will be inspiring to me. She has had three babies of her own and attended two labors in the past of other women. Chuck and I are excited to have her on our team!
On a much more superficial note, I also registered for baby stuff at Baby's R Us and Target with the help of some friends. Talk about decisions... do you even know how many different types of strollers there are! Not to mention baby monitors, bottles, diaper bags, bouncers, pack and plays, crib sets.... anyway it can really make a person's head spin. In some respects I feel like I shouldn't have registered at all and just let people get stuff that they found most useful as a mom. Yet as a single lady without kids I always enjoyed registry lists because I never had a clue what to buy for people's baby showers.
Three showers planned and in the works. I am incredibly thankful to Lindsey, My mom and Celeste and Sheri for all their hard work! My baby thanks you too!
K... Time for Yoga. My advice for the day.... Stay Hydrated!